When Boredom Strikes

"So many questions, but the answers are so few..." goes a line in a song from a local band here. Sometimes, I get the feeling that I ave so many questions that are running through my mind.

I guess that's what happens when you're halfway through something and you have no idea what's ahead of you.

Or me.

I recently filed my candidacy for the office of chairperson at the Xavier University - United Religious Organizations, or XU-URO. I have been planning for this for quite a while, and I haven't really decided until it was the last day for the filing of such candidates.

Why? That is the question that I've been wanting to have an official answer to. As my overcalculating brain examines all possibilities and taking into consideration factors that may seemingly have no effect whatsoever to the end result-- it seems that I did it considering the possibility that there may be no other way to achieve my goal.

There has been a drastic change of the system with the appointment of officers. Being a Jesuit institute, and one that upholds the Ignatian spirituality, such activity should have been done in discernment and in the Spirit.

Then again, that is not the whole point of this post.

I've been wanting to serve, being able to make a difference. That's all I ever wanted. Seeing mediocre activities, with nonchalant facades masking what was truly real, I could not help but ponder if I could have made a difference.

I have no beef with apathy, none with what has already happened. I just want to be able to know that I have done my part, and that there is nothing I could have done any different to change what has happened.

For months I have been seeing all the negativity that goes around the office. Different auras coming from different organizations. There are auras of exclusivity and cheerfulness within the organization; but all that could simply have been shyness on the part of different people from the mere fact that XU-URO is not as united as what was originally concieved.

What would I have done? There is nothing I could have done. I was one of those apathetic people who frankly could care less. Then I saw the beauty of community. Then I saw the essence of that very community: service.

It's not that I want a title to be put into my resume, as what people perceived the previous officers have done in the past. It's just I want to be able to reach a point wherein I could look back and say that I was at least able to share what little I have for the good of the community.

I've seen my own share of communities, rising and falling, for seven years, I have witnessed people come and go. I've also seen people staying, even for a limited amount of time, and seeing the effect of what that little amount of time can do for anyone.

I've also seen that communities rise, not for the sake of community; but for the sake of service-- knowing that there is something we can do, not just here in the safety of the walls within this school, but outside a whole field of fertile soil that we can plant our seeds on. If only we took the effort to sow them.

Then again, it may just be the stress talking.